Paper Hearts
by SLLS
Summary: Set in the closing of Series 7 Kerry and Kim's relationship is almost at an end but Kerry is trying to make one last ditch effort to win Kim back, but with a new girlfriend and a desire to move on how will Kim react.
1. Chapter 1

"Do you want to know what I heard?" Haleh glimpsed quickly over her shoulders, checking the coast was clear before continuing. "I heard that Dr Legaspi and Dr Weaver split up." Nodding firmly as if to validate her own story, Haleh levelled her eyes on Abby who only snorted, dismissing the claim immediately.

"Come on she did not Haleh, it's all just rumours."

"So then why is it that Dr Legaspi has suddenly turned the mute down here? No more dinners, no more conversation between them."

"Because," Abby began, trying to piece together the situation as she saw it; Kerry had been in a secret relationship with Kim, after the Shannon Wallace incident Kerry failed to defend Kim, so the couple split. At least that is what she had heard trickling down from Pedes… "Look this is _insane _how do we even know they were a couple to begin with?"

Haleh stood defiant, folding her arms defensively over her chest, "Jerry told me."

"And we should always believe that?" Abby smiled, shrugging her shoulders dismissively at the conversation. "All I'm saying is we have no proof, this is all speculation… and shit here comes Weaver!" Abby quickly ducked around, grabbing up the nearest pile of boards and hovering her pen over the pages, trying to look as busy as possible.

Haleh moved too slow and before she knew it the familiar clicking of the crutch was beside her, the small redhead's gaze boring into her own. "Haleh, catheter in curtain two," she thrust the board into the nurse's hand who stood dumbstruck, fearfully hoping the older woman had not heard the conversation. "Watch out, he's a wriggler." Kerry then turned to face Abby, who kept her gaze on the boards.

"I've signed them."

"Oh Dr Weaver… I didn't see you there." Abby tried to feign ignorance as she looked up into the tired eyes of Kerry.

"I said I've already signed them." Kerry repeated, her voice losing it's authority and becoming more exasperated as she stared at the young doctor.

"Oh I know that," Abby replied, flashing her boss a small smile, "Just reading over some notes… you know, on…" She let her voice trail off as she glanced down at the top board, "erectile dysfunction." She flatly finished, rolling her eyes at the stupidity of it all but it seemed Kerry wasn't even paying attention.

"I see," Kerry mumbled quietly, her attention now drawn to the elevator where a tall blond in a striking blue blouse had exited, a board firmly held to her chest and her perm bouncing as she moved towards admit. Lowering her eyes quickly, Kerry redirected her attention at Abby. "So what are you on at the moment? Need any help?"

Kim approached the two women and she lay the board down, her eyes trying not to meet Kerry's. She smiled warmly at Abby who then picked up her own board again, offering it to the psychiatrist. "Waiting on my Psych consult which would appear to be ready."

"Ok well I'll sign of on it later then." Kerry forced a smile before turning to leave the front desk, heading towards the lounge.

Both Abby and Kim stood in silence for a moment, the awkwardness of the situation still hanging in the air. Kim looked up and exhaled slowly, her blue eyes shining now with a smile, "I'll get started then, I'll meet you there in ten?"

"Yeah sure, she's in trauma one." Kim nodded and sauntered off, her pace noticeably quicker. Abby took a moment, her eyes flitting between the lounge and where Kim had just left, From the corner of her eye she saw Haleh approaching, peeling of surgical gloves with a grimace, a yellowing stain now down the front of her scrubs. Noticing Abby staring, Haleh called out, "Go on, make my day!"

"Okay, I think you were right."

* * *

><p>Settling back into the sofa, Kerry grimaced as she felt her hip relaxing, the tension of her shift beginning to leave her sore muscles; but not her mind. Sighing deeply she closed her eyes, relaxing her grip on her crutch. <em>Pull yourself together Weaver it's been two weeks, <em>she thought somewhat angrily, upset that just a few seconds in the presence of that woman was enough to hurt her now. She could remember back when seeing Kim exit the elevator had caused her heart to skip a beat but now all she felt was a sickness in the pit of her stomach. She felt like a deer trapped in those bright blue headlights.

Shaking off the feeling, Kerry opened her eyes and stared at the wall opposite, feeling a lone tear make it's way over her cheek and fall softly onto the lapel of her white coat. It was fine when she was kept busy at work, rushing around, saving lives had become a safety blanket for her but when it was time to head home, to enter her house in the dark, that was when her mind threatened to break her down every time she stared at something the blonde had touched.

Lifting herself up off the sofa, Kerry stood, stretching her leg and feeling the bones pop gently. She moved over to her locker, spinning the lock swiftly and letting it fall open, an envelope dropping to her feet as she did so. Reaching down carefully, balancing on her crutch she picked up the small envelope, her name written neatly on the front. There was only one other person who knew the combination to her locker.

"Kim," Kerry muttered under her breath, her hands making quick work of the seal and pulling the folded sheet of paper out. Neither had really said a word to each other since Kim told Kerry that she had appreciated her hand written sentiment of her feelings; but that nothing would ever change.

Scanning the page slowly, her eyes drinking in the cursive loops of Dr Kimberley Legaspi, she remembered how Kim used to leave her small notes tacked to the fridge reminding her of dinner plans or just to say hi when they had been working long shifts apart. As she reached the bottom of the page Kerry felt her anger beginning to return. She had laid her soul bare to Kim and all she got in return was a sentiment free note and a crushing pain in her chest.

Lowering the piece of paper, Kerry took note of her options. She had known that the relationship was practically finished but to finally be told this in a note? She could of course confront Kim on what she had written but she knew that would end badly. Deep down a part of Kerry still thought this situation was salvageable, that she could convince Kim that things could be different. She could be different and she knew what she had to do.

When she had heard Haleh beckon Abby over she had leant up against a nearby wall, just out of sight but still able to hear. Everyone practically knew anyway so why was this such a big deal to step out amongst them and declare it all true? These people had probably known before Kerry had and they hadn't treated her any differently. When she confessed all to Luka everything carried on as normal. But she couldn't shake this feeling that it all wasn't this easy and the one person who could help her through this was the one person who could barely utter a word to her.

Feeling tears beginning to threaten once more, Kerry slipped the note back into it's envelope and placed it back into her locker, wishing to just spend one more night with the false hope that the phone would ring and Kim would be there, telling her everything was going to be alright. Grabbing out her coat she awkwardly wrapped it around herself, her mind on other things. She closed the locker door firmly making her way out of the staff room and into the ambulance bay, before her legs could take her back into trauma one.

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><p><strong>AN - ****Okay so I have been quiet for a little while but this struck me earlier and I just had to write this… please R&R and let me know what you think… to be continued…**


	2. Chapter 2

_Kerry,_

_I know this is probably not the best way to have done this but I'm not quite sure that I could any other way. These past couple of weeks have been difficult for us both, I understand that and I don't want to make this any harder on you than it already has been. I appreciate your letter and I wish more than anything it could be true but we both know how this is going to play out. You love me, but I can't love you back. This needs to end now for both of our sakes. I'm sorry that there is not much more I can say or do, but I hope you finally find what you are looking for._

_Kim_

* * *

><p>Short and sweet. Kim thought to herself as she left trauma one, her patient now heavily sedated with Abby. Wrapping her arms around herself, Kim shivered at the thought of Kerry opening the note. How would she react? Would she understand? Would she be hurt? Kim tried not to dwell too long on the thoughts, knowing that she had done the right thing by slipping the note into Kerry's locker at lunch, playing the coward.<p>

_Is that what she would think? _Kim mused, reaching the lounge door and pushing her way in. _That I was being a coward? Here I was judging her for not acknowledging our relationship and now I'm ending it in secret, too scared to say it to her face? No… she would have wanted it this way, no fuss, no audience, just to let it take it's course…_

Standing in the middle of the room, Kim braced herself to move towards Kerry's locker. Kim knew her shift patterns so she knew she had left for the night and she had to see if the letter had been read. Moving towards it slowly, Kim glanced over her shoulder, not wanting to be caught rooting through the chief of ER's locker. Opening it slowly, Kim glanced in, noticing the small envelope between two books.

Looking over her shoulder once more, Kim pulled the envelope out turning it over in her hand, seeing that the top had been torn open. That was all she needed to know. Exhaling with relief, Kim went to put it back when she heard a knock behind her as the door began to push open. Swiftly Kim pushed the envelope back in between two books and shut the locker, stepping back to glance at a magazine casually on the table.

Dr Luka Kovac walked into the room, a sullen expression on his face as he slung his stethoscope round his neck, not paying attention to Kim who stood a little way back. Pouring himself a coffee, he took a long sip, turning around to see Kim eyeing him slowly.

"I didn't see you there," Luka laughed at his ignorance, "Coffee?"

"No I'm good," Kim declined, smiling at the tall Croatian, "Trust me you don't want to see a psychiatrist on caffeine."

Luka chuckled to himself, taking another sip. "So, how are you doing?"

Kim looked up, gauging the question. There was genuine concern in his eyes and Kim wasn't quite sure what to make of it. "I'm good Dr Kovac, shouldn't I be?" She raised an eyebrow, her gaze questioning.

"No no, I just noticed you've been a little quiet lately, down in the ER." Luka drained the last of his cup and placed it on the side, "I know it's none of my business-"

"No it's not," Kim cut him off, her blue eyes studying Luka, "And to be quite honest, I'm fed up of these rumours."

Stepping forward, his forehead knotted in confusion, he asked, "What rumours? Is it not true what Kerry told me?"

Now it was Kim's turn to look confused. "What _did_ Kerry tell you?"

* * *

><p><em>She had told him everything. <em>Kim thought as she drove home, the window wipers making a rhythmic screeching across her windscreen. All this time she had thought Kerry was ashamed of her and their relationship and Luka had known. But it still didn't change anything. Kerry was proving that point right this moment. She wasn't fighting anymore. No letters, no words, no phone calls. She had been persistent at first to get hold of Kim but lately she was lucky is if she even caught sight of the red head at work.

Not that it bothered her. A quick and clean start is what she had wanted and that was what she was being given right now. She thought about Lauren and how she should be waiting at home for her by now. She was very different to Kerry, a lot more laid back. Out of the closet also which made life a whole lot easier but there was still something Kim couldn't quite put her finger on that was missing. _Kerry... _Her mind answered but she suppressed the thought, instead indicating to pull over outside of her house, feeling the familiar sense of security she usually felt when coming home from the hospital and especially not to an empty house. Glancing out of her window she noticed a small figure huddled on the steps to her front door, no umbrella, just an oversized coat protecting them from the rain. The lights inside were off also and Kim frowned as she stepped out of the car.

Looking the figure over she called out, "Lauren? I thought I gave you a key?"

"Lauren's not home yet," Kerry replied, standing up awkwardly as she tried to balance on her wet crutch. She had almost made it home on the El when she had detoured to Kim's house, a sudden urge to say her last piece to the woman she loved before she was forced to part ways. "My replacement?"

Kim was taken aback but stood her ground, suddenly forgetting that the rain was pounding down on them both and she was straight on the offensive. "Why didn't you tell me Luka knew?"

"Why didn't you tell me about Lauren?" Kerry shot back calmly, her eyes blinking rapidly to clear the rain.

Folding her arms over her chest, Kim replied, "It's none of your business."

"Not anymore no, but a week ago when I was still fighting for this it damn well was. I'm guessing it took you more than a week to decide to give your new girlfriend a key."

Bowing her head gently, Kim sighed, knowing that this conversation was going to lead no where good. "What do you want from me Kerry?" She asked openly, fed up of playing the games.

Making her way down the steps, Kerry approached the tall blonde who met her gaze with cold blue eyes. "How about you tell me what you want. You want me to fight for us and I don't, I get that, I screwed up and now I'm fighting harder and you don't care."

"I never asked you to fight for us afterwards-"

"But if I hadn't, you would have continued to believe I can't change but here I am trying to prove to you that I am different. You've made me different." Kerry stepped closer, watching as the eyes studying her began to soften. "So please, tell me what you want."

Thinking for a moment, there was plenty of things Kim wanted. To go back the past few months, to never utter a word to Shannon Wallace let alone expose her sexuality to her, to have never met the woman who was breaking her heart in the rain right now.

"I want you to leave. Now. Go home, go back to your life, forget you ever met me Kerry, because I'm trying my hardest to do the same." Kim pushed past the redhead and dashed up her front steps, her hands shaking as she fumbled for the key's in her pocket. She didn't need to turn around to know that Kerry was walking away, she could hear the familiar click of the crutch, the same noise she had relished hearing on her hardwood floors, knowing that it wouldn't be long before she was in the arms of the woman she loved.

Pausing a moment, she listened until the soft noise of Kerry's exit vanished before she began to cry.


	3. Chapter 3

Leaning back in his chair, Dr John Carter watched as Kerry Weaver entered through the ambulance bay doors, her hair soaked and clinging desperately to her forehead. Catching her eye line, he piped up, "I didn't think you were back on until tonight?"

"Change of plans," Kerry shot back over her shoulder as she stalked past the surprised doctor, "I'll be out in a second." She pushed through the lounge doors, her crutch clanging against it loudly, attracting the attention of a nearby Dr Malucci.

"Ah what the hell man? I picked this shift just to keep away from her." He rested his hand on Carter's shoulder, glaring now at the closed door. John turned slowly, his eyes never leaving the entrance to the lounge.

"I don't know, give me a moment." Removing Malucci's hand, John approached the door, nudging it open very slightly with his foot. Peeking through the gap he made, John took a moment before stepping back, letting the door draw to a gentle close once more. "Don't you have something to be doing Dave?" He raised his eyebrows at the younger doctor who smiled uncomfortably.

"I suppose so… Oh, I get it," Dave finally understood, shooting a wink at John who gave the man a small smile. "Lesbian stuff."

"Dave-"

"I get it man! I'll be in curtain one, vomiting and diarrhoea… nice." Malucci picked up the board and left Carter standing by the lounge door. Taking a deep breath, John pushed it open to find Kerry slumped over on the sofa, sobs racking her small body.

* * *

><p>Staring into her open fire, Kim watched as the flames licked at the logs, gentle grey ash floating in the flame's heat before settling. The motion of the rising and falling flames mesmerised Kim, momentarily clearing her mind of the evening's event.<p>

_I want you to leave. Now. Go home, go back to your life, forget you ever met me Kerry, because I'm trying my hardest to do the same._

But they both knew that was a lie. She could never forget about Dr Kerry Weaver, the redhead who had blown into her world and turned it all upside down. From the first moment she had watched her moving deftly through the ER, her crutch supporting her nimble movements, her hoarse voice taking control of the mismatch of situations that seemed to pass without faze, she had known she had wanted her.

Never usually making a habit out of pursuing straight women, Kim had been surprised by her own draw to Kerry and how Kerry seemed to gravitate towards her. Staff meetings, the odd cafeteria lunch and dinners. Friendship, Kerry had probably assumed but even Kim could feel from her it was more than that. They had fallen into a comfortable rhythm with each other, Kim relentlessly trying to woo the ever closeted Kerry who failed to rebuke the attempts and it had all ended that one evening after Doc Magoo's…

Shaking her head, the wine settling into her nerves, numbing them and her memories sufficiently, Kim looked beside her at the sleeping form whose head occupied her slender shoulder. The dark hair cascaded over the tanned complexion, the eyelashes resting gently on the top of her cheeks. Reaching out, Kim brushed gently through Lauren's hair, feeling her fingers tangle gently in the strands.

_Kerry's had been too short to tangle in, fingers had glided slowly through the red locks…_

Guilt washed over Kim. How could she be thinking of Kerry when she had Lauren beside her? Putting the misdemeanour down to the wine and her conversation with Kerry earlier, Kim knew there was only going to be one way to try and forget about the other woman.

Reaching out she cupped Lauren's face, waking the other woman up slowly. When Lauren's dark eyes met Kim's, she smiled, "Hey you…" She spoke in a lazy drawl but her words were cut off by the fierce kiss enforced by Kim's insistent lips. Accepting the defeat, Lauren leant back deeper into the sofa, taking the blonde with her.

* * *

><p>"You know you didn't have to do this John," Kerry mumbled as she sat opposite John in a Doc Magoo's booth, a warm cup of coffee firmly between her hands, occupying her mind as she watched the steam rise gently in the air between them.<p>

"I know but I wanted to, even if you don't want to talk, it's company." John gave her a warm smile, his soft eyes letting Kerry know that she could tell him everything and for a moment, she thought to open her mouth and confess her sins but the waitress clattering behind her brought her back to the moment.

"Well thank you, but it's not necessary, I'm fine."

"Did you think I was fine? When I lied to you all?" John asked, taking a sip of his own drink. He was referring back to his medication addiction. He had tried to swear blind to them all that he was in control, that he didn't need help and Kerry knew how well that had ended. "Don't make me start an intervention."

Kerry gave a small laugh to this, remembering the day she had managed to corner John and force him to face his problems and here she was now; the hypocrite. Sighing, Kerry looked up, relenting. "So what do you want to know?"

"Nothing that you don't want to talk about."

"Ok well how much does everybody already know?"

Settling back into the booth, John began to now fiddle with his own cup, slightly embarrassed at having to be the one to finally bring this up with Kerry. "It's fairly common knowledge that something has happened between you and Dr Legaspi. On a romantic level." He added quietly on the end and regretted it as he saw the mortified face on Kerry as she dropped her head in her hands.

"Shit…" She groaned and John snorted in surprise at her response, receiving a scathing look in return. Taking a moment to compose herself, Kerry ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it back off of her face. She thought back to the first time she had admitted to anyone that she was in fact a lesbian and of all people it had to be Robert Romano in the men's toilets. And now here she was, sitting alongside one of her longest colleagues and respected friends and she still struggled to even utter the words to him.

"So what does Kim think to all of this?"

"What?" Kerry looked up, her attention drawn back to John.

"Kim, how is she dealing with all of this?" John repeated, emptying the last of his cup before beckoning the waitress over and indicating refills would be required.

Leaning back in defeat, Kerry replied, "I wouldn't know, she doesn't talk to me anymore. She's moved on and she wants me to do the same. I don't have much choice."

"If someone hadn't given me the choice of a lifetime do you know where I would probably be? Suspended for sure, I could be in that home like my cousin or I could still be struggling to find my way into the clinic in Atlanta. You always have a choice Kerry. So, if I said to you know, what do you want to choose Kerry, to move on like Kim wants or-"

"No, I don't want that." Kerry answered a little more resolutely than the rest of the conversation had been, "No… I choose her."

* * *

><p>As the sun began to rise outside of the ambulance bay doors, Kim walked into the ER, a light green blouse and striking black suit ensemble, her hair tied back loosely and a steaming cup of coffee in her hand. She noticed John Carter pulling on his coat and detoured towards him, a bright smile on her face. "Hello John."<p>

"Dr Legaspi," John replied, matching the smile as he adjusted his collar, "To what do we owe this pleasure?"

"You owe this pleasure to the city of Chicago and it's very creative occupants," She held up a small Polaroid of a belly stuck with scissors and watched as John snorted with amusement, not quite believing what he saw.

"Are you serious?"

"Very, Chuney just grabbed me from my coffee run." Kim placed the Polaroid back onto the clipboard, her bright eyes roving the admit desk as John glanced down at his buttons. No sign of Kerry, perhaps it was her day off…

A loud crash resounded from behind the admit desk drawing both Kim and John's attention from each other. Moving past everyone towards sutures, they reached the door just as Kerry pushed her way out, a small trickle of blood making it's way down from her hairline.

"Dr Weaver-" John began only to be cut off by Kerry's blood smeared hand. Seeing the sight of Kerry hurt made Kim's stomach flip and her instincts told her to step forward and soothe the small woman but Kim knew better than to fall back into this routine and instead opted for a more friendly, yet strained, "Are you ok?"

"I'm good thanks," Kerry replied glibly, hissing as she touched at the small wound on her head. "Security is in there just finishing up the restraints, I would recommend you get Carl down from your department, this guy is going to be a problem."

Fishing out the Polaroid, Kim held it up for Kerry to see. "Ring bells?"

"That's him, although the scissors looked a lot bigger coming at me. Which remind me… Malucci!" She yelled out whipping a small gauze pad off of a cart beside her and pressing it tightly to her head.

"Chief?" Came the reply as Dave stepped around admit and towards Kerry.

"You're up," She opened the door for Dave to step through who did so gingerly, perhaps envisaging a trap on Kerry's part. Or at least in that moment that's what she liked to think. "And keep some pressure on that stomach wound!" She called through as the door swung shut, leaving the three of them to stand in an awkward silence.

Kim studied the fragile woman in front of her. Face pale and now spotted with fine traces of blood, Kim felt the urge to step forward and wipe the stains away. God she looked like hell, Kim thought and felt a surge of guilt knowing that it was probably herself that had caused the breakdown in this normally vibrant leader.

"You should get that sutured Kerry," Kim offered, moving uneasily on her feet, her fingers tapping aimlessly on the board in her hands.

"It's ok I can get Mark to do it later, it'll stop in a while," She took the gauze away and it had indeed stopped bleeding but the wound still looked angry as if any provocation would cause it to weep again.

"Well… I uh, better call Carl down. I hope you feel better." Kim smiled weakly and turned to walk away, chiding herself for not being in more control of that situation.

Watching the blonde walk away, John studied Kerry, whose eyes followed Kim until she made her way to the elevator. "Anyway John, have a good day off, we'll see you this evening."

"You know I could take a look at that before I go-"

"No it's ok really. No harm. Mark will be in shortly, go enjoy your life outside of here." Kerry jostled him towards the door and watched him leave, casting one last glance at Kerry over his shoulder before disappearing from sight.

Pressing the pad once more to her head, she could feel the familiar trickle of blood making it's way down her skin and for just a moment she forgot about Kim and made her way to the ladies toilets, cursing under her breath at the pain now making it's way around her skull.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - ****I would like to apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes at the moment, coherent language at the moment is a bit of a struggle for me lol. Please R&R… anything (good or bad) at all would be appreciated. Thank you!**


	4. Chapter 4

Flicking through the file on her desk aimlessly, Kim's eyes scanned the pages in a feeble attempt to occupy her mind from anything but Kerry Weaver. Since she had seen her that morning, injured, all Kim could think about was running down to the ER to check on her ex-girlfriend and although dogged by a busy shift, the feeling hadn't ebbed.

Running her fingers through her loose perm, Kim's eyes studied her phone as if willing it to make that phone call she knew she'd eventually be coaxed into making. Picking up the receiver tentatively, she gave a small sigh before punching in the code for the ER.

"ER." Frank's gruff voice answered after a couple of rings. She could hear the hustle of the department behind him, worried voices of families and doctors alike.

"Hey Frank it's Kim… I was just calling to see how Carl got on with the consult earlier, haven't seen him up here for a while." She closed her eye, admonishing herself for such a lame excuse.

"Yeah he's still working on it."

"What all shift?"

"Hey you stick scissors in your stomach and then try to attack a doc? Sounds like a 'whole shift' kind of one to me. Anyway Kerry's here she can fill you in on it all…" She could hear mumbling in the background and before she could come up with an excuse to hang up Kerry's voice came over the line, somewhat weary.

"Kerry Weaver."

"Hey Kerry it's just me."

"Oh Kim, hi. Sorry Frank neglected to say who it was!" She pictured Kerry yelling the last part over her shoulder at a shrugging Frank. "What can I do?"

"I just wanted to find out how Carl is getting on with that patient, has he settled down?"

"It's coming and going but we've got security on him. By the sounds of it he's going to be put on a hold." Kerry explained simply, her voice beginning to sound more relaxed.

"Oh right, well that's progress I suppose. So, how are you feeling?" Kim added on the end in an attempt to blend the conversation, trying to keep the concern out of her voice.

"I'm good but I'm going to have to go now, thanks for asking though."

"That's fine I've got some paperwork to get finished, maybe I'll see you soon?" Kim relaxed slightly, knowing that at least Kerry was alright. She knew after all that had happened between them that she didn't deserve to be concerned about the other woman anymore but there was still a small part of her that cared.

"Maybe Kim, bye." Kerry ended the conversation abruptly and Kim rested the receiver back down in the cradle, unsure of what to make of the conversation that had just passed between them. For days Kerry had been fighting to talk to this woman but with no luck and now she didn't have the time to talk to her?

* * *

><p>Handing the dead phone back to Frank, Kerry moved away from admit, making her was around the endless stream of patients and specialists that seemed to dominate her floor. Glancing at her watch she knew she was long overdue to finish so she made her way to the lounge careful to avoid making eye contact with anyone that might drag her back.<p>

Once safely inside she moved to her locker, taking a moment to lean her back against it and take the weight off of the crutch and her bad leg. As the days passed by she was sure it was getting more painful to move around. The longer she stayed mobile the more it ached and the longer she stayed immobile the more it ached. At the moment she was lucky she could think straight through all of the painkillers. Relaxing her eyes for a moment, Kerry thought back to the many nights she had come home with a sore hip. Contemplating a strong wine to dull the pain Kim would surprise her with a leg massage, working out the tension and the pain that on more than one occasion Kerry could have cried with relief.

Her moment of peace was disturbed by a small woman entering the lounge carefully, her eyes scanning the dim lighting to find Kerry against her locker. "Oh, sorry I wasn't quite sure who would be in here."

Kerry looked the small woman up and down, she was slender, not much taller than herself but her skin was more tanned and her dark hair fell to her shoulders, a lot more feminine than Kerry's short and sharp bob. All in all she was a very attractive young woman and Kerry averted her eyes for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts.

"No it's fine, are you meeting someone?" Kerry pushed herself away from her locker, clumsily knocking her crutch from beside her onto the floor. Cursing under her breath she bent down to retrieve it only to have the mysterious woman ducking down quicker and grabbing it up, offering it to the now red faced Kerry. "Thanks." She took it, her hand brushing the fingers of the woman before she laced her arm through the cuff and resumed her position.

"No problem and yeah I am, Dr Legaspi… we have dinner plans." The woman smiled and showed a row of perfect white teeth and Kerry felt her stomach sink. So this was Lauren. The replacement.

"Oh, right. So she said she'd meet you down here? In the ER?" Kerry asked curiously, biting down the wave of bitterness that seemed to be rolling about in her stomach.

"Yeah, that's not a problem is it?" Lauren asked quickly, sensing in Kerry's tone that something wasn't quite right.

"Not at all, she'll probably check in at admit before she leaves off, you can wait there."

"Oh thanks… uh, sorry I didn't catch your name?"

"Kerry Weaver. And your's?"

"Lauren Delaney." She answered with another perfect smile, "It was lovely meeting you Kerry, maybe we'll meet again sometime." The woman turned and left the lounge, leaving Kerry to contemplate her thoughts once more. If Lauren had known anything about Kerry's relationship to Kim she wasn't letting on and she seriously doubted that Kim had even thought her name in the last two weeks let alone spoken it.

Opening her locker a little more roughly than she intended, Kerry grabbed out her bag and coat, dressing herself swiftly before exiting the lounge. She could see Lauren by admit, glancing around waiting for Kim to appear. Giving a cursory nod to the woman as their eyes met, Kerry knew that Kim had planned for this. For her to be in the ER and for Kerry to see the display of a new relationship but she didn't have the time for these games anymore. Exiting through the ambulance bay, she gave one last glance over her shoulder before she rounded the corner disappearing into the cool night air.

* * *

><p>Making her way down the stairs to the ER, coat slung over her arm, Kim hurried her pace, knowing that Kerry would probably be finishing off her shift soon and she at least wanted to see if she could offer the other woman a ride, knowing in winter that her hip played her up when she had to take the El home. Kim almost chuckled to herself with the idea. Only last night she was telling Kerry to get out of her life and now here she was a day later trying to work Kerry back into it. <em>Pathetic Kim…<em>

"Hey honey," Kim recognised the voice and looked up, seeing Lauren standing at admit, a grin on the younger woman's face. Her hand beckoned the blonde over and she followed dumbly, her eyes immediately scanning the ER in search of Kerry. "What's up?"

"I'm sorry?" Kim shook her head, satisfied that Kerry had probably left by now. Lauren's eye looked confused and Kim put on an easy smile to calm the other woman. "I mean hi," She tentatively reached forward, placing a kiss on Lauren's cheek. "So I thought we were meeting at mine."

"Well I thought we could do with some dinner out for a change. And Kerry said I would probably find you here."

"Kerry said that?" Kim looked a little taken aback, a little surprised that Lauren hadn't noticed the shock in her voice and a little surprised that her heart sank knowing Kerry had just bumped into her new girlfriend. "Well you found me."

"That I did," Lauren laced her arm through Kim's, leading her towards the exit, ignorant to Kim's sudden detachment from the situation. As they stepped outside, Lauren snuggled up closer against Kim's body and the blonde couldn't help but tense up in return momentarily before reminding herself she should not feel guilty for moving on.

"So where to?"

* * *

><p>Resting against her pillow, Kim watched the rain running down the window in her bedroom. She had used to sleep with the blinds closed but Kerry had liked to watch the storms and snow falling when she couldn't sleep and Kim found herself doing the same now, ignoring the scent of Lauren on the pillow beside her. She had left a few hours ago, citing work waiting at home for her and Kim hadn't argued the point tonight. She felt like being alone, and found herself suddenly content that it began to rain harder in Chicago tonight.<p>

Looking to her left, she eyed the phone that was close by on the nightstand. Kerry had hated it and she never had a phone anywhere near her bedroom. Work was work and home was home, she had once told Kim as she hurriedly picked up her pager and dashed to her cell, stifling a chuckle as Kim mocked her hypocrisy. Chuckling in the dark to herself at the memory, Kim found tears beginning to press at her eyes and she blinked them away rapidly, sitting herself up in bed.

"Why is this so hard?" She mumbled to herself, trying to push all thoughts of Kerry out of her mind. She knew why it was hard, this was the way Kim wanted it and this is what she had gotten. The first week hadn't fazed Kim in the slightest and she had kept well away from the ER and Kerry. Not once did she even consider answering the phone calls, the knocking at her door, the letter… but then she had. She had needed to explain what was going on with her and after some Dutch courage from a dated white wine Kim had sat down with pen and paper and written a letter back. She had wrote about how she missed Kerry and all the memories they had, how she loved the older woman more than she had ever loved anybody and she always would. She had then begged for her forgiveness before tearing the letter up and tossing it onto the fire.

"_It's so beautiful Kim, and you really never use it?" Kerry had explained, her eyes studying the ornate fireplace and mantle. She had run her hand along the mantle, her eyes now exploring the rest of the room. "Wow, you have taste."_

_Kim had chuckled, moving closer to the smaller woman, her arms now enveloping her. "Hmm you think?"_

"_Décor; yes. Me? No way." Kerry snorted at her own joke and Kim's heart skipped a beat. God this woman was so modest for such an arrogant… "What?" Kerry asked, her eyes lost now in Kim's. "What are you smiling about?"_

"_This. Us. You." Kim answered, her voice somewhat breathless in the excitement of the moment. Kerry was finally here, in her living room. In her arms. Moments ago Kerry had come to her, voice shaky as she asked Kim to stay in her life and it wasn't long before they were both in the car, the electricity between them crackling with nervous tension._

"_This, us and me?" Kerry asked, eyebrows raised as she carefully looped her arms round the slender woman's hips with a small tremor, her supporting crutch now hanging limply on her arm._

"_Nervous?" Kim asked, compassion filling her blue eyes and she couldn't help but smile when Kerry ducked her head, cheeks red._

"_A little," Kerry answered, now looking up into Kim's face, debating her next move. Kim watched the struggle in Kerry's eyes and leant down, kissing her tenderly on the lips._

"_Don't be."_

Rubbing her eyes, trying to move the image back to where it belonged Kim reached for the phone, sighing deeply as she resigned herself to what she finally needed to do. Dialling in the now familiar number, she listened to the ringing before a soft voice answered, "Hello?"

"Hey, It's me, I'm sorry it's late but I really need to see you now."


End file.
